I was searching for my keys. They were no where to be found. Aaron had driven last. "Are you kidding me??" I said to myself, standing by the car, boys ready to go. As I started to walk back into the house to continue looking, I hear Aiden's little voice behind me. "Are you kidding me? Are you sew-ious, Aaron?" As much as I wanted to laugh in that moment (and I have to admit, I did) I also felt a little guilty. Do I really say that that often?
The time has come, or rather has been for awhile, that I really need to be careful what I say. I say and do a lot of things I don't want my kids to say and do. At least not yet. Child-proofing my house? Easy. Child-proofing me? Not so easy. I've already cut out the swearing (and luckily he hasn't caught my slip ups yet), but it's so much more than that really. Aiden gets this attitude some times, so sour, so very not cute. I watch my precious little boy in horror, thinking, Where did he get that from? And then Aaron says something like, "Wow, he sounds just like you." Ouch. So of course I slap Aaron in the arm. Then Aiden slaps him. Then, "Oh no, no, Aiden, we don't slap! Mommy was just playing, I shouldn't have done that..." Poor confused child.
Sometimes it's really hard to live as a role model 24/7. It's hard more than just sometimes. It's draining and at times down right frustrating. It's usually around 10:00 p.m. before I finally get to relax, to just sit and be a little selfish, to even notice that my shoulders have crept up to my ears in an almost permanent state. I usually have to get into a little tiff with Aaron just to get rid of my internal tension. He's usually a good sport and has learned if he just lets me get it out of my system, we can laugh and move on. He's learned to say "I'm sorry" (and mean it). He's learned to take my name-calling as endearment (as it's intended, of course). He's even learned to keep a grin as I run around like a crazy woman complaining about god knows what before crashing on the couch with him. With him running a business and me a household, we both have to keep a lot in through out the day. I have to keep my cool with the kids, and he has to keep his cool with adults who act like kids. It's nice with such different lives to be able to join each other on the couch each night and relate. It helps me feel a little less crazy and a little more capable. And by the end of the day (especially lately), I really need that.