My life these days is both busy and full. I wake at 5 a.m. each morning, and still can't seem to get done all the things I set out to do. I have identified my time-wasters and now I am setting out to eliminate them. Trying to. Baby steps. With out those, I think I could easily get everything done in a somewhat leisurely matter as my schedule isn't too hectic this semester. I like to think that anyway.
I began taking an anti-depressant in December, and it was the best decision I have ever made. Why, oh why didn't my last psychiatrist suggest this?? I feel like ME for the first time in over a year! If you have been struggling with depression and are afraid to try an anti-depressant, just do it. At the very worst you can stop taking it, but if it works, it works! I am taking the generic form of Celexa and it's only $4 at the Wal-Mart pharmacy (in case you are uninsured like me). It's not with out its side effects... I am not loving the extra few pounds, and I have to remember to take it at night because it makes me tired and yawn incessantly, but besides that I haven't noticed any other negative side effects. I just feel good. Normal. Me. I forgot what that felt like. It's a good feeling. I share this only because I want to be honest about what works for me and what doesn't so as not to give anyone the impression that my depression just up and disappeared. It's been a long journey. I am glad that for now I can focus on other things.
Like my kids!
I have been enjoying my kids like never before. Which is a good thing too, because this is a tough stage! Four and a half and 20 month olds are a rough combination! They both want attention--and lots of attention. But the nice thing is that now I don't mind giving it to them. I love building legos with Aiden, or discussing my anatomy and physiology home work with him (which is a great motivator to really learn the stuff). I love being led around by Gabriel, having him point out things and listening to him try so hard to say new words. I have to listen to intonation more than anything (recently he has decided that "NO!" means no, and "Noooo?" means yes). I love watching them play together. Although that's prime time to study, I sometimes can't help but sit there and watch them interact. I feel like I missed the whole last year of their lives. I was there, but not really, you know? It's good to be back. Even when they are screaming and fighting and yelling and throwing fits like no other, I wouldn't trade it.
I am struggling with a few things, but I haven't really been able to decipher what they are exactly. I allow myself to ponder them, but not dwell on them. I'll figure it out one of these days, but for now I'm happy enjoying actually wanting to get out of bed in the morning, spending time with my husband and kids, getting to know new friends, and of course, coffee.