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It's interesting to look at your life, past to present, and think: "It has all led up to this...." And then wonder where it will lead to next.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Let's Stick Together... Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

There have been many times in my life that I have literally yelled at God for making me a woman. From the time I was a very young girl, I could see the perks of being a male in this world (pee standing up, go shirtless on a hot day... have the last say) and felt deeply the complications of being female. Why, God?? I would cry (and sometimes still do). And other times made snide comments like, No wonder God chose to be a man when he came to this world...

I have been categorized, belittled, and overlooked based on my gender. Then told it's just the way it is. I have been sexually harassed in more ways and by more men than I can count. Then told it was my fault (in the wrong place, out at the wrong time, wearing the wrong thing... being the wrong gender). These things have hurt me and carved themselves into my identity in many ways. A lot of the time I fight bitterness. Other times I give in. But even as much as all of it enrages me, nothing makes my skin crawl, nothing makes my soul boil, as much as women turning on women.

Nothing aggravates me more than comments like, "I just don't get along with girls... they're so bitchy, and gossipy..." Nobody likes hanging out with rude people, but don't tag a whole gender with those labels. As though men are not capable of turning on each other, or talking behind each other's backs. Don't give into the lies! I want to scream. Don't you realize you are lumping yourself in that category??

The funny thing is, I used that very excuse my first semester in college. And it was true, there was a lot of gossip and I didn't want any part of it, but even while I was saying I didn't want to gossip, I was gossiping about the girls who were gossiping. And when you gossip, you attract others who gossip as well. I have spent a lot of time with guys in my life, and let me tell you, gossip is not just a girl thing. Here is my theory, the best way to keep away from girls (and guys) who are bitchy and gossipy: don't be a bitch, don't gossip. It can be done, and those that know it are out there, eager to be your friend.

I am really grateful to have a group of women to share life with who do not make a habit of gossip or back-biting. Seriously, I have never been around so many women who so effortlessly build each other up. It seems effortless. The truth is, a loving spirit is just as contagious as a spiteful one. It's a special thing to be able to spend hours talking with really interesting, fun, intelligent women. There are a lot of lucky men in this town.

There are so many wonderful things about women. Women are beautiful. I don't mean that in a materialistic or shallow way. We are just beautiful and there is no denying it. It's why people are drawn to us. We each have presence, whether we realize it or not, and it speaks louder than words. Sometimes it is overshadowed by insecurity and self-doubt. Sometimes by a whole lot of hurt. But even those things can be beautiful, when we accept the ugliness and hurt that is ours, and release it to God.

I hate that the unique features that God gave us have been taken by the world and turned against us. A woman's anger can be such a beautiful and powerful tool, used to build lives up and tear evil down. There are many types of anger. They are all shapes and sizes with different colors and shades. But no, if you are angry, upset, or even burdened, it is stuffed into a little intolerable box that is labeled "hormones." Hormones. Created to make wonderful things possible. Also known as, a woman's curse. I know people like to forget this small fact, but men have hormones too. (Yes, boys will be boys, and all that jazz) Either way, let's not take what was for good and use it to insult and bury dignity. Even the best of things come with negative side effects, that's no reason to throw the whole lot into the trash.

Women are "complicated", men are "simple." I don't know who thought that one up, but anyone who is married to a man knows: men are not simple. (And even so, why would "simple" be something someone would want to be?) Also, women are less complicated than one might think. If they took the time to think about it.

I am not a man-hater, as I have been accused of many times in my life (just because you value your own gender, does not mean you must hate the other). There are so many men I appreciate having in my life. I think men are fascinating. I can't wait to see how my boys grow up (or can I?). There is so much more I feel on this subject. So much more I could say. But really, all I am saying is... Ladies, we have enough going against us. Let's not turn on each other.


Breka said...

I think we need to talk soon. Everything you just wrote resonated deeply...gender is something that's been on my mind a lot, lately. I had a short but wonderful conversation with a friend (male) recently about male privilege, and how (and if) he could give up that privilege and what it looked like to me as a female. Plus, being at my parents' house always makes me think about being young, and how in my imagination I was always male because they always got the better deal.

I also recently read this article, which I think you'll appreciate as much as I did:

Thanks for writing. You make it seem effortless, and I feel a little guilty for not writing more myself.

Sam said...

Indeed. well-written and I agree with Breka (thanks for posting that article) I really hope I get to see you soon.