You know, I really wasn't so sure I would love having two kids as much as I do. But I do. It's cool to see my toddler learn how to share my attention, and even more so how he enjoys showering his little brother with his sweet smiles and kisses as much I do. I love how chill Gabriel is, taking in the world, completely content with the lot God has given him. I also love how it has stretched me (not in the literally sense-- that part sucks), challenged me, and only promises to continue doing so. I have often felt selfish with my love. Realizing how much I can love yet another human being has forced me to look at the world in a new light. Maybe there is enough to go around? Maybe I can love more? Maybe being stingy with my love is unnecessary after all? I'm not just starting to think so, I am being forced to learn so. Every day. I like how this is changing me.
On another note. I can still be a b**** some times (yes, yes I am still human). And there are plenty of times in the day I feel unfair for how I treat my boys differently. All I have for Gabriel are sweet nothings as I kiss his little toes for the millionth time. Aiden still gets plenty of kisses, but he also get's my stern voice, my annoyed voice, and wacks on the tush to top it all. I know the score will even out in time. Soon enough Gabriel won't be my perfect little baby any more and will require discipline as well. At the moment it doesn't seem possible, but I know it will come. I remember when Aiden hit that point. It was like a slap in the face. I'm sure this time it will be easier to accept and hopefully I'll be more ready for it. If before I had kids you would have asked me what I thought the hardest part about parenting would be for me, I would have said discipline. That's one thing I guessed right. Consistency. The most important aspect of discipline and the hardest part to implement! But practice makes perfect (or maybe just close to perfect), and toddlers give you plenty of chances for practice. Mm hmm.
Even with all of the parental challenges combined, there are days when the stars align and it all seems to pay off. Like when you get your toddler to eat raw spinach with out spitting it out, or when you catch him willingly sharing toys with a friend, and especially when he uses his manners you've worked so freakin' hard to teach! You feel like you may have conquered the world. Oh and when your infant sleeps 8 hours straight through the night? The world stands no chance. Bring it!