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It's interesting to look at your life, past to present, and think: "It has all led up to this...." And then wonder where it will lead to next.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


In a proper perspective, Gabriel being one week over due is really not such a big deal, or even that out of the ordinary. However, on this day 7, awakened by pain and discomfort at 4 a.m. and unable to return to sleep, it feels like the very opposite. I feel annoyed, almost angry. But mostly sad and even a little hopeless. I know it sounds silly, especially if you haven't been there before. I will look back on this time and most likely laugh at myself and my dramatic nature, but right now I am rather lost in it. This last month has been one of the longest. Filled with many blessing, yes, but I have been in so much pain and had so many false alarms, even my midwife was convinced it was unlikely for me to make it to my due date. I've had a fear this entire pregnancy that I would not carry my child full-term. Alas here I am! Making it to the day of my 41 week check up! This should be a good thing. Things could be worse. Things could be much, much worse. I am thankful they are not. But if you have been in this situation before, you know where I am coming from. Everything in you aches to be free from the bondage of pregnancy. To simply hold your child in your arms. I can't even think much further than that.  And so that's pretty much always on my mind. Sitting at home is miserable. Going out in public is worse. I have been keeping myself as busy as I can and yet still find moments to just sit. And wait. What a painful wait.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. - Philippians 4:6

Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him, and He will help you. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act. - Psalm 37:5,7

Lord, help me to live these words.

1 comment:

Serenity said...

No more waiting! Faith, you have done a fantastic job these last 41 weeks and I have been especially impressed these last couple of months that I have gotten to spend with you. I can't sleep right now because now I am the one waiting... to go to the hospital and see you and Gabriel!