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It's interesting to look at your life, past to present, and think: "It has all led up to this...." And then wonder where it will lead to next.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Living=Learning, Learning=Living

As many of you know, my husband is currently in Haiti on a missions trip. Yes, God provided! The EXACT amount of funding needed was provided, through many unique ways and through many awesome people. I am so thankful for all who have kept us in prayer. I mentioned before that it felt like our family was under attack leading up to Aaron's trip to Haiti. Since he has been gone I have had tremendous peace. I am visiting my family and staying with my parents, and I have felt very blessed. There have been times that I have sensed a hint of the spiritual warfare going on around me, but I have felt God guarding me from fear. This is a big deal for me. I have experienced a lot of spiritual attacks in my life and I struggle with fear often. I should clarify that when I say I have had "peace," I do not mean that everything feels great all the time. I am still healing, and processing, and growing. At times it is joyful and at other times it is painful. Yet my heart is of peace, not anxiety and helplessness. What a huge difference that makes.

Aaron will only be gone 8 days altogether, and there is only less than two days left until I see him, but I am crazy excited about his return! Not only to see him and kiss his ridiculously good-looking face, but to hear about everything and vicariously relive his experiences with him. Yes, I am a little jealous that he got to go and I didn't, but not in a spiteful way. Really I am just so grateful that he got to go and really, really excited to see how God has and will use his experiences to teach us more about Him. I think I'm going to be surprised (I usually am). Also, I can't wait to peck his brain, What does Haiti smell like? How did the air feel? What does Creole sound like? What is the food like? And most importantly, When is God telling us to move there?

Only joking... sort of. I really am not expecting Aaron to come back and tell me we're moving to Haiti (although originally part of me hoped that would be the case). God has been teaching me so much the last few months about so many things, that for the first time in my life, I feel like I am finally learning to trust. Not that I have it down! Like I've said before, I think trust is not a skill you attain and always have, but a constant reminder of letting go of fear and coming before the Lord. I am learning that, "not yet" doesn't mean, "nothing now." And that, "trust me" doesn't mean "everything will work out just as you plan."

I am learning so much that I want to share, but I get worried I'll over simplify--or over complicate. Lately it's been easier to share in spoken words than writing (this is very unusual for me). I will share when and what God has for me to share when I have more time to write. Right now my 8 month old is managing to find every choking hazard, electrical wire, and heavy object to pull on to himself. It's actually quite impressive the danger he puts himself in while barely being mobile (not quite crawling yet, and I'm not sure if I want him to).

1 comment:

Sam said...

<3 so excited to hear about Aaron's trip. and also about your time lately. I agree with you...spoken word has been more my forte of late than written. so maybe we can skype sometime in the near future :)