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It's interesting to look at your life, past to present, and think: "It has all led up to this...." And then wonder where it will lead to next.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

A Good Day.

Today I am thankful for the warm sun, the company of a particularly handsome toddler, and the fact that my husband, though working several hours away and I will not see him till tonight, is working hard and doing what he loves. I thought today was going to be awful. My husband left early this morning for Greenville for a tree job and I had no plans of my own. I've seen a lot of him this winter, and having him go back to full-time work again this week has been a hard adjustment for me. Can I just say, parenting is so much easier with two parents! I stayed up late so that I could spend time with Aaron while he got some last minute things together for today's job, knowing that I probably wouldn't see him till late tonight. I spent most of the time venting about how hard it is to be a woman, and pregnant, and have all these emotions I don't know what to do with. He listened for a long time and told me that though he can't understand, he understands. Somehow that made sense in my clouded mind and I felt like I could rest again. 
Today the fog has shifted. My mood has brightened. I mean who can stay angry while out doors with no need for even a sweater? Ok, so maybe I finally made room for God-time in my busy nothingness and started my day out right. Not that a quiet time is a guarantee for a good day, but starting your day with truth as opposed to self-pitying lies definitely doesn't hurt your chances. I am still sick, but have made the decision not to let it ruin another beautiful day for me. My mother always tells me to think positive. This is my least favorite advice. The last thing a pessimist wants to hear is "think positive!" on an extra crappy day. Today, however, I will do just that. But not because she told me to. Because I want to.
Being sick actually has an upside. Not being able to breathe through my nose has saved me from many a foul smells the last few days! Even though I was feeling nauseous last night, my husband was allowed to freely fart near me with out me feeling the need to express how disgusting his natural bodily functions are. Today while eating lunch, I was able to continue eating and enjoying my sandwich despite the fact that Oliver was pooping on his little potty next to me. And the inability to taste has moved me to chose yogurt over the very large, succulent looking chocolate chip cookie that rests not 10 feet away. I will eat it later, but the decision has made me feel pretty good about the present moment. I can't find anything positive about my sore throat or the cough that constantly agitates it, but I'll let you know if I do.
I know none of you really know how deeply depressed I have felt the last few days, but I am hear to let you know, I am back! But not in that annoying, peppy, nothing-will-ever-get-me-down, kind of way. Just that life's-not-bad-at-the-moment-so-I'm-gonna-enjoy-it kind of way. I hope it lasts awhile. But when it does pass, I hope I'll use whatever strength God gives me to look upward instead of inward.


Serenity said...


Uniquely Normal Mom said...

It is SO tough trying to parent alone! I don't know how you do it, with a little one AND preggo! I hope your days stay bright! :-)

littlenelsonlady said...

Girl! I hope you feel better soon! I'm down to one nostril myself. And I also think you should eat the cookie!
<3 love you faithy!

Pamela said...

You are amazing, and have such good ideas. xxxooo

Faith said...

Thanks, mom. ;-)