Life feels so GOOD right now. Not because everything is good, but because God's hand in our lives is so evident. Who would have thought I'd be saying this so soon? I didn't.
As God has been revealing each day things of the last few years that have now brought us to where we are (both in life and understanding) I can't help but cast my fears and doubts at His feet. The coolest thing is not feeling shame or guilt that I am both relearning and learning for the first time things that seem so simple. Not feeling dumb for there still being SO much I don't understand. I realized something. The periods of confusion, fear, pain, hardship, they have all played their part in bringing me to where I am today. I know that's easy to say, but the truth is, you can't always mean it--but right now, I do. Right now is a season of letting go of regret, giving up the wheel, and taking in the journey itself. It's not all easy, but it is beautiful.
You see, I've spent the majority of my life claiming to live for God. Working so hard to make myself worthy. There were (and still are) so many things I had wrong. And that's ok. I am only just now seeing how God has been and continues to answer my prayer of eight years ago. Eight years! And guess what? It's freaking awesome. That's a long time to wait, but I'm realizing that God really is a big God. He will teach us for a life time and we'll still only just grasp the surface of who He is. This life isn't about conquering God and then moving on to something else, we were put here to know Him.
Last week I stopped myself in the middle of a worrying thought, and it hit me...If I am really living for God, would I spend so much time and energy fretting about my plans not working out? Something to think about.