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It's interesting to look at your life, past to present, and think: "It has all led up to this...." And then wonder where it will lead to next.

Monday, June 18, 2012


You know what I hate almost more than anything? Being misunderstood. I can't stand misunderstandings in general, but especially when I feel like they make me look bad. Then I really hate them. Tonight I felt misunderstood by my professor. He doesn't know anything about me. I look 19. He doesn't know why I show up just after 6:00 almost every class. He doesn't know that I am taking care of two kids and getting dinner on the table right up till the second my husband gets home and I rush out the door. He doesn't know why I spend half the class on my phone. He doesn't know that I spent half the night up with a baby. That even when I'm interested in what he's teaching, it takes everything in me to stay awake for the rest of the lecture. He doesn't know that I didn't hear the instructions about which questions to skip because I'm thinking about where on earth we're going to be living in the next couple of months. It doesn't really matter. He probably wouldn't care anyway. But I feel like he would be more understanding if I looked a little older. If he knew I wasn't there because my parents made me choose between school or a job. That I really was paying attention and learning, but needed help to stay awake because I have two young kids and I'm drained. So drained. That I work really hard, even when I look like I'm bored out of my mind (sorry, that's what tired looks like on me). That I'm not there because I have to be. That I really am trying. I hate looking like a teenager. I feel bad for teenagers. Nobody gives them a break.


Breka said...

I know. Oh, I know...at least it's been a while since I was asked what grade I'm in. I can even buy cigarettes without getting carded sometimes!

Sarah said...

I know you don't know me, a friend of mine sent me over to your blog a while back - I'm typing softly to try not to wake up my one little babe - for he is enough to fill up my day. After this post, I could just hug you. I know that nobody likes to be misunderstood. But seriously, it is probably my worst thing.

It is the worst. I hope he gives you all A's in the end. <3

Vanessa Washburn said...

Hang in their faith. I'm sure it is incredible frustrating that he does not understand, and frustrating to feel unrightly judged. But the people who matter, and know and love you, admire you and all you do for your boys, your husband, and yourself.
...and in 10 years or so it will probably be nice to look so young.

littlenelsonlady said...

I feel your pain.
all I can say is
eye liner & mascara.
People always say " you don't need make up! you are beautiful just the way you are!"
I usually just say " AWWW! THANKS!"
but what I want say is " AWW THANKS! but if I don't wear make up people will think I'm in high school!"

how do you feel about mom jeans and polo shirts?

Faith said...

Haha, Oh Breka, I know I laughed at your expense and I apologize. You are always so dear to me, I think you have forgiven me?

Morgan you crack me up. I do my best with the mascara and eyeliner, can't bring myself to mom jeans and polos just yet. Although I will be living in Charlotte...

Vanessa I really look forward to the days when I appreciate looking young!

Sarah, thank you. I felt that cyber hug and it was just what I needed. ;-)